The Magic of Appreciation

Have you ever been intentional to share something positive with a person that you heard someone else say about them?

I just love doing this!

Recently, I had someone over to our house who shared some very positive things about our mutual friend, John.

I thought, “I wish John could hear what is being said about him. It would make his day (or year)!”

So, what did I do? I hopped over to Facebook Messenger and relayed to John the positive words that I had heard said about him.

I could tell it meant a lot to John that someone had said such nice things about him, but he also shared how much it meant that I had passed it along.

It reminded me of what philosopher William James stated…

“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”

When we are reminded that the last time most people were really celebrated was when they graduated from high school, it brings even more clarity to the great need others have to be appreciated.

Not only can you make a huge impact on others, but as Dr. Martin Seligman of Harvard Medical School pointed out in a study, giving appreciation can make the giver happier as well.

The study was done using various psychology interventions and what they discovered was that those who wrote letters of appreciation to someone who had never been properly thanked saw a significant increase on the happiness score.

In fact, more so than any other intervention they attempted.

They also noticed it was long-lasting…positively affecting the giver’s happiness score for a month or longer.

Another study on gratitude, conducted at the Wharton Business School, found that managers who took the time to show appreciation to their team saw a significant increase in their team’s performance.

In fact, one of the teams that was given proper appreciation, completed 50% more productive activity (phone calls) than the team that didn’t.

I remember hearing a friend tell about a time when they shared a word of appreciation with a person who unbeknownst to them was in such a dark place internally, they were contemplating ending their life that day.

The person with the suicidal ideation shared later that it was my friend’s words of appreciation back then that completely changed the course of her day, and the trajectory of her life.

Appreciation costs us nothing, but a little bit of time.

Even a 60 second text message can have far reaching benefits.

I realize that some may be thinking, especially many of us men, “I’m just not good at that. That’s not my strength. That’s not my gift.”

Some may even go so far as to say things like, “I told my wife that I loved her and appreciated her the day I married her. If anything changes, I’ll be sure to let her know.”

I realize the above is more meant to be a corny joke, but sadly for many, it’s more of a reality than most people realize.

Us guys (and many women too) are good at seeing what is broken, things needing to be improved or fixed at work or in our families, and not so proficient at finding what is right with our marriage, children and workplace.

Most of us could stand to up our game when it comes to extending grace and giving (verbal and written) appreciation for others.

I’m inspired by people in my life that break the mold.

People like Bryan Stinnett, Mark Bowin, Bob Pearson, Nick Gavrilov, and Jeff Stevens to name a few.

There are also many women in Nicole (my wife) and my lives who are great encouragers and show their gratitude very well, but I choose to name some of the men because I think we men need extra help in this area and could benefit from seeing that there ARE other men doing well in this that we can be inspired by.

I still have voicemails saved from years ago that made such a profound impact on my life…one from my late brother, Kevin Blain, and another from my friend, Josh Clark.

It’s one thing to know the power of appreciation intellectually, but the reality is that we can often find ourselves too busy to send a thoughtful text, make an encouraging call or send a thoughtful postcard.

So, here’s a challenge for you in closing.

Who do you appreciate? Have you told them lately?

Go tell them now, even if it’s just a brief text, message or call. And be sure to tell them why you appreciate them.

Get ready not only to make their day, but to improve yours as well.

If you’d like to hear the most recent episode on my “Life's Hard, Succeed Anyway” podcast, on the topic of motivation, you can listen and subscribe here.